1. When a police car approaches you from the rear, lights flashing, you should:
throw your beer can out the window
and pull cautiously and slowly over to the side of the road.
change lanes to give the cops the right-of-way
and flip them off as they pass.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
2. When driving in dangerous conditions or inclement weather, you should:
watch for cops, and take a drink to calm
your nerves.
drive more slowly than the speed limit.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
3. When approaching a railroad crossing, you should:
stop if there are red lights flashing
and you need to pee anyway.
slow down and exercise caution even if there are no lights
flashing.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
4. If you are involved in any
type of accident, you are required by law to:
assist any injured, call police, stop and exchange insurance information with the others involved.
hide any empty beer cans under the
front seat and phone your best friend.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
5. At an intersection controlled by stoplights, a green arrow indicates
you may:
make a protected turn.
take a good drink of your Budweiser, spit, and open another can of
Bud and Copenhagen.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
6. If a child under
4 years is riding in the
vehicle with you, you must:
make sure that he or she is seated and wearing a
seatbelt, proper child restraint or car seat.
make sure that he or she is laying on the
floor behind the driver's seat and not on your 6 pack of beer.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
7. The blood-alcohol limit for legal driving is:
0.10 percent.
it doesn't matter in Georgia.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
8.
If a passenger in your vehicle suddenly becomes ill, you should:
proceed calmly and cautiously to the
nearest hospital or fire station.
open another beer and stop to laugh
about it at the closest package store.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor it.
9. If a
dog or cat runs into the street, and you accidentally hit the animal, you should:
proceed calmly and cautiously to the
nearest police station and report the incident.
back up, drive over the animal again,
call your cousin Bobbie Sue and see if she would like some Chinese
Take-Out.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor
it.
10.
If you encounter any incident of "road rage" you should:
proceed calmly and cautiously away
from the area avoiding any conflict.
reach in
the glove-box, grab your Smith & Wesson and fire a round at the idiot.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor
it.
11. If you
happen to see a lady hitch-hiker you should:
continue on your way keeping your
eyes on the road, your hands on the wheel and your mind alert.
hit the skids, back up and see if she
is drunk and/or worth the stop.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor
it.
12. Any
emergency vehicle such as an ambulance or fire truck with flashing lights:
is OK to follow at high speed and
sounding your horn without worry of the cops stopping you.
always has the right-of-way and you
must yield the road safely.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and floor
it.
13. If you approach a sobriety check-point road block you should:
hang onto your liquor bottle and try
to avoid an accident as you swerve through the cops, cars, and barricades.
approach slowly with caution
observing the police officer's directions.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and
floor it.
14. When approaching
a traffic control area around road construction you should:
approach cautiously and at slow
speed observing the flag man's directions.
wave at the flag-waving jerk and
toss him your half empty beer as you fly by, sounding your horn as a cautionary
warning.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and
floor it.
15. Should
you notice that you are being tail-gated you should:
slow down and allow the
vehicle behind you to pass safely. Never slam on your brakes.
lower your driver-side window,
reach for your Glock 36 and fire a round or two at the jerk.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and
floor it.
16. When
you approach a slow moving vehicle, such as a farm tractor or school bus you
must:
take the opportunity to stop
on the shoulder of the road, pee on your tires and open another beer.
slow down! and drive carefully
until you are able to pass or the slow moving vehicle turns off the main road.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and
floor it.
17. When
you come upon a sport cyclist climbing a mountain road you should:
always slow down, remember
to share the road, and pass the bicyclist only when it is safe.
sound your horn repeatedly,
throw your empty corn liquor or beer bottle at him, and force the two wheeling
jerk off the road.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and
floor it.
18.
If you should come upon a crowd of day-laborers
gathered near the roadside:
roll down your window and
holler: ninguna cerveza, ninguìn
trabajo, mi amigo!
slow down, keep your hands on
the wheel and watch for anyone running into the road.
yell "Yeee-haaa!" and
floor it.